


Home

by CaptainSlow



Series: Winter Phapsody in five parts [4]
Category: Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018) RPF
Genre: Everybody knows, M/M, but i wouldn't be so sure, this was supposed to be funny
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-28
Updated: 2018-12-28
Packaged: 2019-09-29 09:27:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17200937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaptainSlow/pseuds/CaptainSlow
Summary: "For how long have you known?"





	Home

_And I love you so_   
_The people ask me how_   
_How I've lived till now_   
_I tell them I don't know .*(c)_

*

**December '18, Christmas, London**

*

Gwil turns away from the bar counter where he and Rami have been chatting for the past half an hour and throws a glance back at the table still occupied by Joe and Ben. He's intending to attract their attention and beckon them to come and join them, but something stops him from either saying or gesturing anything. He can't quite put his finger on what exactly it is, but to him something seems to be not quite the same as it's always been.

He gives them a curious look, and at first it appears that the guys are simply chatting with each other. Yet that's not exactly all, or at least it's how Gwil perceives it. Joe's engaged in narrating something, smiling his million-dollar grin while gesticulating animatedly, which has nothing surprising about it whatsoever. Ben's sitting right next to him, with his head resting against the wall of the booth, intently listening to whatever Joe's on about, which is also nothing out of ordinary. That said, there's still something elusively different about the two of them, about the very short – almost non-existent – distance left between their shoulders, about how radiant Joe's smile looks every time it is directed at Ben, about the way Ben looks back at him, silently, about Ben's own smile, uncharacteristically mild, almost delicate… All in all, it gives the impression of two people sharing a moment, a very special moment, belonging solely to the two of them. And then Joe trails off, shakes his head, gives Ben a long look and says something which makes the latter's smile grow ever more pronounced but at the same time remain just as affectionate. It's not exactly the kind of smile Gwil is used to seeing on Ben's face. It's the kind of smile which people normally reserve for those who they're very intimately familiar with.

"You must be shitting me," Gwil mutters to himself, not aware that he actually voices it loudly enough for other people to hear.

"Huh?" Rami turns to him. "You said something?"

Then he follows the direction of Gwil's gaze and lets out a soft but not particularly surprised _'Oh'_. If anything, he sounds amused.

"Is there something wrong with those two tonight, huh?" Gwil asks, frowning.

"I think there's something right with those two, actually," Rami smirks.

"They're in love, leave them alone."

They both turn around towards the voice and see Lucy, who is smiling a bit mischievously while looking at Ben and Joe, too.

"How do _you_ know?" Gwil asks, somehow both a little taken aback and knowing he shouldn't really be all that surprised at the same time.

"A woman knows," she shrugs and takes a stool next to Rami. "Give them some privacy, for god's sake, stop ogling."

*

**January '20, road trip, California**

*

When Joe wakes up – or rather, when he is woken up – he simultaneously becomes aware of several things, some of them rather pleasant, and some sort of unnerving. The former include the solid presence of Ben's very warm, half-naked body in the sleeping bag next to him, and the soft press of Ben's lips against his shoulder, and his even breath on his skin, and Ben's hand on his hip. At the same time, before Joe is able to enjoy them all properly, he's aware of the rather low temperature inside the tent – sleepily, he wonders whose stupid idea it was to go camping in January, and then remembers that he was the author. There's also his somewhat stiff neck to consider and then, finally, somebody's voice coming as if from a distance.

Joe's eyelids twitch as he makes a determined effort to hold on to the remnants of sleep, but it proves to be futile as consciousness creeps up on him, slowly but surely. And then he's brought all the rest of the way to wakefulness, none too gently at that, by a sudden pang of terror. Because the voice he thought was coming from a distance is actually coming from somewhere right above his head, from the mouth of the tent, and that voice belongs to Gwil.

"How many more times do I have to say 'wakey-wakey' to get any response from either of you, huh?"

Joe's eyes shoot open, and at the same moment Ben gives a start, haphazardly rolls onto his stomach thus moving away from him and stares at their uninvited morning guest in what looks like utter terror, the extent of which matches Joe's own.

The mouth of the tent lets out an irate guffaw. Joe decides to remain the way he is, not daring to look up. There's a cool breeze wheezing in which make his now exposed arms and chest get covered with goosebumps. Or maybe it's the quickening state of panic.

"I'm sorry to intrude and spoil your idyll but it's coming on ten in the morning and the breakfast is ready, gentlemen. From what I remember, we were planning to hit the road at eleven."

The only thing Joe can see from the corner of his eye is Ben, with his hair in a total mess, still more asleep rather than awake and blinking at Gwil owlishly while rubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands. Joe turns his head just a tad more, to assess the extent of the disaster, but there's not much to be assessed, only Ben looking positively dumbfounded and unforgivably handsome in his state of alarm and confusion.

Joe huffs despite himself and reaches out to put his hand on Ben's shoulder.

"'tis all right, I guess," he mumbles, voice hoarse from sleep, and tightens his hold a little. "Just your old long, tall and ugly wishing us a good morning."

"Oh, look, the zombie speaks," Gwil drawls from the outside. "I guess I'll leave you to it, guys, but if you don’t crawl out of here in five minutes, we'll throw the tent straight into the lake, with you in it. I must warn you the water feels pretty fresh."

After this, the zip is being fastened, and the only sound coming from the outside is Gwil's receding footsteps and the gentle rustle of the wind in the trees above.

Ben remains as he is for a few more seconds, staring at the wall of the tent, then lets out a dismayed groan and plops back down next to Joe, his forehead pushed against Joe's shoulder.

"Well, I guess we've had it coming for a while, huh?" Joe mutters, more to himself rather than to Ben, then rolls onto his side and throws his arm around his friend. He'd gladly stay like this for another hour or so, but if Gwil is right and it's indeed around ten in the morning, they'd better be going soon indeed.

"I guess we have," Ben agrees, pulls in a deep breath bordering on a yawn and stretches his limbs as well as the sleeping bag would allow him to. Then he returns his warm hand back onto Joe's hip. "Doesn't make it less scary."

Joe chuckles softly and leans in to steal a kiss from him.

"Maybe with the situation as it is, we won't even have to tell them anything," he murmurs. "I guess we've just made it obvious enough."

 

When they both climb out of the tent, thankfully without further measures from either Gwil or Rami, nothing seems out of ordinary. Joe can't say he's feeling particularly nervous, but, if he's completely honest, he is just a tiny bit apprehensive of the guys' possible reaction. Even more so, he's somewhat worried about Ben – he's always been more preoccupied with their relationship and what reception it might provoke. Not as much as he used to be in the beginning when they only started this thing, of course, but he can tell by the way Ben is moving around that he's not completely at ease. Still, when they get together around their improvised table, nothing seems to be off and it is business as usual.

They chat and joke their way through breakfast in their customary, easy-going manner that's been their normal mode of communication ever since the first days of filming the BoRhap movie. The lack of any reaction whatsoever from either one of their friends is so unexpected that Joe allows himself to entertain the thought that maybe Gwil didn't even notice anything unusual when he came to wake them up? Maybe there's nothing to worry about, after all? Admittedly, he and Ben have been intending to let the guys know about their affair ever since their it became more or less official – or more like, since the moment it officially acquired the name 'relationship' – but somehow the right moment has never come so far. Presently, Joe decides that it's most likely not going to be brought up this time either and lets himself to heave a sigh of relief. It's not like he's terrified of telling anyone, he's pretty certain it's not even going to make a big sensation, let alone provoke some negative reaction from either Gwil or Rami, but it still feels a little scary. He doesn't even know how to break the news to them, in what words to shape it, and this is the reason the other two have been left ignorant for this long even though they've been meeting regularly enough over the past couple of years.

However, when the breakfast is done with, the dreaded moment finally comes. Ridiculously, it still feels utterly unexpected even though Gwil basically caught the two of them red-handed less than an hour ago.

"So for how long have you been together?" the big guy asks casually, as if he were just wondering about the weather forecast for the day.

Next to him, Joe hears Ben choke on his coffee. Poor thing.

"Easy there, Benny," Gwil grins.

It is absurd, but all Joe can do is shift his gaze between Gwilym and Rami, feeling utterly taken aback and suddenly quite a lot more than just apprehensive. Ridiculously, the first thing which is on the very tip of his tongue is to say that he has no idea what the hell Gwil is talking about and deny everything else. His hands get all sweaty in a matter of a few seconds and his heart traitorously relocates to his throat.

"What? Have I asked something wrong?" Gwil has the cheek to raise his eyebrows innocently faking surprise, the bastard.

"Oh don't give us that look, Joe, please?" Rami says almost at the same time. "'tis too late for that."

Joe swallows and silently shifts his gaze to Ben, who looks just as dumbfounded as he's feeling. All the communication they have is brief and wordless but it's more than enough for the two of them to come to a mutual agreement on what to do. Joe arches one eyebrow and Ben shrugs his shoulders in response, ever so slightly, a perfectly eloquent _'what else is there to do?'_ gesture _._ His hand is already on its way to the pocket of his shirt for a pack of cigarettes, which indicates just how nervous he is.

Joe takes a deep breath, trying to reconcile with the fact that there's no turning back anymore, and it's infuriating how difficult it is to begin.

"For how long have you known?" he finally settles in for a question of his own.

"Known or suspected?" Rami grins at them.

"Both?" Joe asks rather uneasily.

"Known for a little over a year, I'd say?" he looks at Gwil, who nods. "Ever since that Christmas party in London."

"You should have seen yourselves. Only had eyes for each other," Gwil confirms. "And as to suspecting, well, virtually ever since the beginning of filming, I think. You two just… I don't know, _clicked_."

"All of us did," Ben objects, sounding just a tiny bit scandalised.

"All of us did, true," Rami grins even wider. "But you two were _special_."

"How could you suspect it back then?" Ben huffs in reply. "I didn't know it myself until that Christmas party you mentioned, for god's sake."

"It's not that you didn't know, mate, you were in denial," Gwil replies matter-of-factly.

"As if you'd know what denial is," Ben huffs and rolls his eyes.  

"Anyway, you didn't answer," Rami steps in. "How long, really?"

"Why're you even interested, did you make bets or anything, huh?" Joe asks suspiciously.

"What, we'd never," Rami and Gwil exclaim simultaneously and then snigger, which confirms Joe's suspicion. _Goddam trolls._

"Since Christmas, 2018," Ben sighs, breathing out a cloud of smoke and butts his cigarette into an improvise coke-can ashtray. "Now who's won what?"

"Told you," Rami turns to Gwil, looking victorious. "You owe me a dinner, Mr Lee."

"It was Lucy who told me, not you," Gwil rolls his eyes.

"Doesn't matter, that's pretty much the same thing."

"Jesus, now I'm surrounded by promotional couples from that film," Gwil mutters in feigned exasperation. "How did I end up in this mess?"

"Call Allen," Joe suggests, giving him a sour smile. "Ask for help, say you're feeling left out."

Gwil laughs. "I just might! But seriously guys, we're glad for you. Sorry if we made you a little nervous, but it's just that we'd long been wondering whether you were going to let us know at all."

"So are you all right with it?" Joe asks, still unable to relax even though there doesn't seem to be any reason for it.

"Why shouldn't we be?" Rami shrugs. "You've been at it for, what, a little more than a year now? Nothing's changed, except that Gwil here owes me a dinner."

Joe gives Ben another glance, and the latter finally smiles at him, looking somewhat bewildered but unmistakably relieved.

*

**December '18, London**

*

It's their last dinner before Joe and his mother's departure for the States, and even though the two families didn't know each other less than a week ago, it has a fantastically warm, family atmosphere about it. They still don't know each other well enough, of course, but just like their sons clicked during the filming, so did their mothers, somehow.

Presently, Ben's mom is observing a rather peculiar thing. She cannot be entirely sure about it, not yet, but she has a suspicion. She's always been quite good at deciphering other people's emotions, and when it concerns family members, this talent is further intensified. She doesn't know, maybe it comes with being a woman, or perhaps with being a mother, or the combination of the two, but what she's seeing in her son's eyes when he looks at his American friend leaves virtually no room for doubt as to what exactly is going on.

She's seen such glances many times, and if that's not the look of being in love, she doesn't know what is. Ben and Joe aren't even talking – they're occupied with hungrily consuming her cookery – but every once in a while, they exchange glances which are more prolonged than strictly necessary, and while she cannot see Joe's face properly, her son's eyes literally shine with that emotion. It's in the brightness of his gaze when he looks at Joe, it's in the twitch of his lips as he gives his friend – and oh, is he _only_ a friend, she wonders – a fleeting smile, and now that she thinks of it, it's in how close they normally stay when they're together, there's virtually no distance left between them at all. She doesn't know how she can be so certain judging only by these ambiguous glances and gestures the two boys are exchanging, but she is. She might be wrong, of course, but she doesn't think it is the case, not this time.

She looks across the table and is met with Joe's mom's gaze, and it's incredible how much one look can convey without a single word spoken. Her own suspicions are reflected in her eyes clearly enough. There's a little frown on her forehead, but that's more of a questioning frown rather than disapproving one. Ben's mom shifts her gaze briefly to their boys and then returns it to the other woman's eyes, arching one eyebrow quizzically, as if asking _'are you seeing what I am seeing here?'_. Joe's mother gives a tiny, barely noticeable, shrug of her shoulders, but the little smile on her lips suggests that she's thinking in exactly the same lines.

It seems there's something quite magical happening between their little boys, right now. When the dinner's done with, Joe's mother offers to collect the dishes and help with washing up. As she says it, she gives Ben's mom a little wink.

*

**January '20, England**

*

"Ma?" Ben asks softly.

They're in the kitchen, his mother occupied with preparing the ingredients for a carrot cake, every action precise, honed by years of practice. Luckily for him, it has a soothing effect, this domestic familiar routine full of homely warmth and comfort. On some logical level, Ben understands perfectly well that everything should go smoothly.

First of all, he's been with Joe long enough to finally accept the fact that he loves a man and feel almost perfectly okay about it. He's had enough time to come to terms with what he wants and to realise that whatever obstacles they may face, his love for Joe is greater than all of them combined together. Secondly, his mother is not the first person he's going to reveal the truth about his relationship to, which means he has some positive experience with it, which is in its turn reassuring. Gwil, Rami and Lucy already know about the two of them. Granted, they figured it all out themselves, but he and Joe had a little explanation to do anyway, and it went as smoothly as it could possibly go. And finally, he knows his mom well enough to be certain that there will be no accusation, blame or misunderstanding involved. She is a broad-minded, intelligent, educated human being who, as far as he knows, has never harboured any prejudice against same-gender relationships. So, virtually, there's nothing to be afraid of, yet Ben is, all the same. He can't help it. Common sense is all well and good, but relationships, whether with a partner, or with friends, or with relatives, are not always all rational and logical, otherwise there wouldn't be so many silly little dramas happening all over the place.

So if he's honest with himself, of course, he is scared and, of course, there is a temptation to just keep silent about Joe and himself. It's been working all right the way it is, so that cowardly inner voice inside his head is once again asking whether coming out to her is all that necessary. But Ben knows it is. He and Joe have taken it way too far to keep silence any longer. For god's sake, they're planning to move in together and thus abandon the conspiracy games they've been playing at for slightly more than a year, so, of course, his parents need to know.

Presently, his mother hums to acknowledge she's heard him but doesn't get distracted from all her plates and bowls and utensils. In some sense, it's a relief that he doesn't have to look her in the eye while telling her.

"I've been thinking lately..." he starts and then falls silent, a bit uncertainly.

"Mmm, that's doubtlessly a useful activity. What about?"

"I want to move to New York," Ben says, deciding to begin from afar.

This time, his mom does give him a look. It's not a particularly surprised glance, which is also sort of a relief.

"Well, I can't say I'm taken aback. It's been coming to this, what with the amount of work you've been doing across the pond as of late."

 _I've been doing other things there, too, mainly the one named Joe,_ Ben thinks to himself and, ridiculously, feels his cheeks flush. Thinking about his and Joe's sexual relationship in the presence of his mother proves to be a big mistake. He hopes his embarrassment is not that noticeable, but then again, with his mother one cannot be sure.

"Yeah," Ben shrugs and stuffs his hands into the pockets of his sweatpants. "Is it okay with you?"

His mom sighs, then gives him a smile, which this time comes out just a tad on the sad side.

"Well, of course I'm going to miss you and worry about you, but that's what I always do, no matter if you're here or somewhere else." She puts her hand onto Ben's forearm and squeezes it lightly. "But I also do understand that you're a grown-up human being with your own interests, ambitions and obligations, so of course it's okay. I'm glad for you, love," she smiles at him again giving him a look which seems to be longer than strictly necessary. It also feels unsettlingly penetrating.

Somehow, it seems she's waiting for something else from him. On the other hand, it might only be Ben's imagination going wild triggered by the necessity to confess. And oh well, there's no running away from it anymore.

"Ma, that's not all," he says but he doesn't look her directly in the eye.

Damn, it feels like he's ten again, bringing home bad marks and explaining why he flopped maths. His heart starts pounding without his consent, and Ben hates it for doing so. He could certainly do without more stress right now. Besides, he's certain that his cheeks are now blazing. By some miracle, he is spared the necessity to break the news himself.

"You're not going to New York for work, is that what you're trying to say, hm?" she asks, and, thank god, the smile is still perceptible in her voice.

"No," Ben shakes his head, studying his sneakers meticulously. "It's not about work at all. Not really."

"It's because of Joe, isn't it?" she asks softly.

Out of sheer surprise, Ben gives her a direct look at last. He did expect she would guess he had an affair with someone, but pointing it out straightaway like this? He opens his mouth but since he's got no idea what exactly he's going to say, no sound leaves it.

"Benny," his mom says, brushes his cheek gently and smirks. "It is all right." When all Ben does is breathe out a slightly shaky sigh of relief he wasn't aware he was holding, she goes on, in that same, soothing, motherly tone of voice. "From what I saw, he is an amiable enough young man, and you looked very happy together, so it's all right."

For a moment, Ben closes his eyes and shakes his head, smirking to himself. This is getting a bit too ridiculous, what with the number of people who are not at all surprised.

"So you've known all this time?" he asks.

"Well, I can't say I've _known_ since you never told me," she smiles, "but I've had my suspicions ever since that Christmas when you invited Joe and his mother to visit."

Ben sighs again, then huffs. "Were we that obvious?"

This time, his mother actually grins at him, that same cheeky smile he inherited from her. "I could say that a mother always knows…" She shrugs. "But yeah, you two were. One didn't have to be a mother to see that."

"Jeez, mom!" Ben exclaims, screwing up his eyes, not knowing whether to laugh, or cry, or both.

"Well, you asked me and I answered in all honesty!" she smiles and this time hugs him properly, and, oh god, it's such a relief to know she's okay with that.

Not until now that he's finally confessed, did he realise just how much the necessity to do it and his mother's possible reaction actually made him anxious. Presently, he lets his forehead rest on her shoulder and hugs her back, tightly, thinking that he's immensely lucky to have the most amazing mom in the entire world.

"I'm very happy for you two, Ben," she says softly, her hands rubbing his back. "Of course, I'd prefer to have you both here in England, but I believe you know what's best for you. And I'm also glad you finally told me."

Ben hides his smile against her shoulder. "Well, things got serious."

*

**January '20, The US**

*

Joe, unlike Ben, has always taken this entire thing much more lightly. That is not to say he wasn't terrified having realised what exactly it was that drew him to Ben like some sort of inexplicable gravitation. That is not to say that he wasn't utterly confused when he understood he wanted him desperately. That is not to say he wasn't scared of how they were going to deal with it all. Still, once he more or less managed to wrap his head around the fact that he had fallen for a guy, for real, the rest came much more easily. The rest was just a matter of what exactly to do and what measures to take, so when it is his turn to break the news to his mother, he's much less apprehensive than Ben.

He's behind the wheel taking her to the supermarket when his mobile produces a merry jingle. Joe throws a glance at the screen, which shows a photo of no one other but the infamous Cardboard Ben. He used it for Ben's calls for the sake of a joke while still being on that press tour in Japan and has never got to actually changing it ever since. Habitually, he switches on the loudspeaker before answering.

They chat about this and that for a while as Joe navigates through the city, having completely forgotten about the presence of his mom in the car.

"I love you," Ben says as they exchange their respective goodbyes, much more softly than anything he's said before, and only now does Joe realise he's not alone on his journey, that his mom has just heard it, too, that, for some unfathomable reason, he's totally neglected the fact that Ben very well might end up his call with saying exactly that. He reckons must have been his guilty conscience, provoking him to finally let the cat out of the bag.

And oh well, here we go. Now there's absolutely no dodging and postponing this conversation. Very softly, Joe huffs, shakes his head and thinks, _what the hell_.

"I love you too, Ben," he says.

"Is everything okay?" Ben asks immediately, apparently made slightly uneasy by the prolonged silence from Joe's end of the line.

"Yeah," Joe says, smiling. _Sorry, mate_ , he thinks. _Sorry, mom_. "Since I'm currently behind the wheel, you're on the loudspeaker, and my mom's here in the car with me, so... yeah, it's now public knowledge."

He actually hears his mother let out a tiniest of chuckles, which is reassuring.

"Oh," Ben says, sounding utterly startled. "Oh sh-- I mean, hello, Mrs Mazzello?"

"Hi, Ben," Joe's mother says, cheerfully enough. _Oh, this is getting even more entertaining_ , Joe thinks. "Glad to hear from you."

"Yeah, uh... same here. How are you doing?"

"Peachy," she says. "You?"

"Ma, leave the poor guy alone," Joe steps in. "I'll get back to you, mate, all right?"

"Yeah," Ben replies, unmistakably relieved. "You two have a nice day."

"Thanks, babe," Joe grins.

"Idiot," Ben laughs from the other end of the line, still sounding a bit more than a little startled.

"Bye, Benny," Joe's mother says, and when the connection is over, she turns to him. "And—"

"Aaaand, before you ask me anything," Joe interrupts her, thinking that the best sort of defence is offence, after all, "yes, you did hear it right, and yes, you most certainly understood it correctly."

"Good," she says. "I thought you'd never tell me."

This is what finally manages to throw Joe off balance. She sounds as if she was discussing whether to buy milk or not.

"Aren't you... Well, I don't know? Taken aback or anything?" he asks, somewhat disappointed. Coming out to your mother is supposed to provoke slightly more emotion in her, or so he thought. With his mom, however, it doesn't seem to be working that way.

"Me? Well, admittedly, I was back when we were visiting Ben and his family for Christmas, but I've had much time to stop being surprised."

" _What_?" Joe asks.

"What _what_ , honey?"

"You've known since then?"

He gives her a glance and she actually grins back at him.

"Tell you what, not only did I know, Ben's mom knows too. We actually talked about the two of you."

For a while, all Joe can do is drive in silence, opening his mouth from time to time like some dumb fish stranded on a beach, but unable to come up with anything to say.

"Poor bastard," he finally mutters. "He's in for a surprise then, I guess."

"All right, so now that the cat is finally out if the bag – or somebody's finally out of his closet--" his mom jokes, ironic as she's ever been, master of sassiness.

"Jesus, mom!" Joe laughs. "That's almost insulting!"

"How serious is it? I guess it must be, since you're still together, more than a year later."

"Well," Joe shrugs. "We've decided to try living together. Make it all known at least to the friends and family. It's just that it turns out everyone knew long ago anyway."

"It's not all that tricky to tell when people are in love, and when I saw you together last time, you two were glowing."

"Oh, were we?" Joe asks, still unable to believe they've been this astoundingly shitty in their much-discussed conspiracy.

"Oh yes. Care to share what exactly you've planned? I mean, I don't want to pry, so just tell me if it's not my business. Where are you planning to live? You're moving to London, after all?"

"Nah, we discussed it and decided it'd be better to try New York, at least for now. So you're not going to get rid of my company that easily."

"Oh, boy, you've just dashed my hopes," his mom laughs. "I was only starting to think I could finally start living my life exclusively for myself, but here come the two of you. Hope you're not adopting kiddies anytime soon, I have enough grandchildren already."

"Mom!" Joe says, astounded by the amount of trolling he's had to deal with over the past ten minutes. "That's just... gross!"

But he laughs too, and, surprisingly to himself, he's immensely relieved.

*

**February '20, New York**

*

Joe wakes up seemingly in the small hours. It's still pitch-dark in the bedroom and he's feeling just a tad bit on the cold side. The next thing he's aware of is the acute emptiness of the other side of the bed, which at first doesn't seem like anything out of ordinary at all – this was the state of things in his bedroom for quite a while. However, that condition ceased to be normal just yesterday when Ben finally came to stay, and Joe hopes that from now on the definition of normal will include his best friend and lover sleeping next to him on a daily basis.

Ben isn't there right now, though, and for a moment it causes a pang of fear-laced confusion while Joe is struggling to understand whether he's perhaps dreamt it all. His second, no less terrifying, thought is that he might have left, for whatever reason. And then, finally he's awake enough to be able to think more or less clearly.

There's a steady cool draft wheezing across the room, and when Joe shifts his eyes to the window, he sees the balcony door that's been left slightly ajar, and behind it there's a butt naked silhouette that's leaning against the bannister. Joe squints, still groggy from sleep, to be able to behold it more properly. The sight, after all, is worth the effort.

From the look of it, Ben's smoking, god only knows why he's doing it at shit o'clock on a fresh February morning dressed in nothing at all, but that's beside the point. What the point is, is that he really is here, in Joe's home, apparently feeling comfortable enough to be able to take a smoke on the balcony while being naked, and what a sight he makes! Joe allows himself a while of simply devouring Ben with his eyes. It's never been enough – it's scary to even imagine just how little cumulative time they spent together last year, probably a month out of twelve, or even less than that. Joe's starved for the physical contact, for Ben's attention, for Ben's love. If it were solely up to him, he wouldn't let the man out of his bed for the length of the following week.

Even though Ben's complained more than once about his build, that he's apparently predisposed to gaining weight if he isn't careful with his diet and neglects gym, he's in an absolutely stunning shape right now. Joe still has a hard time convincing himself that this perfection incarnate belongs to him, it still seems like some kind of his wet dream, from which he could wake up any moment, desperately horny. But it isn't a dream, Joe tells himself, this nasty cool draft coming from the balcony is a proof enough. Ben's real and he's right here.

Meanwhile, Ben shifts his weight from one foot to the other, and all those lean muscles on his back and butt and legs strain and relax, and the sight is nothing short of mesmerising. Joe can't hold back a wondering smile while watching him because it seems he could watch him for hours, doing just that, moving around and flaunting his tantalising hips.

Another thing the intensity of which never ceases to overwhelm him is the profoundness of affection he feels. Perhaps it's just that, the utterly insufficient amount of time they've been spending in each other's company; perhaps it'll pass once they start living together, but right now it's a poignantly sweet feeling which takes Joe's breath away. It makes something churn and flutter in his stomach; it makes him feel weak in the knees and fuzzy inside; it's pleasant to the extent of being painful, and the only thing that can relieve this unbearable longing is physical proximity.

So, despite the fact that he doesn't particularly feel like getting out of the warm cosy bed into the February night, even if unseasonably warm, Joe still extricates himself from under the duvet and heads for the balcony. He can't help it, it's like there's some sort of weird gravitation that is acting between the two of them, and Joe is absolutely incapable of resisting it, nor does he want to.

Outside, the air feels cool against his warm skin and the floor tiles freezing against his bare feet, immediately sending entire armies of goosebumps all over him, so Joe hastily wraps his arms around Ben's waist, pressing himself to his body while trying to suppress a shiver. Ben gasps and gives a little start, then huffs and takes a long drag from his cigarette, his free hand coming to rest upon Joe's wrist.

"Hi," he murmurs, breathing out a white cloud of smoke, and his quiet, hoarse voice sounds incredibly sexy.

"That's a very nice view you're offering the neighbours on your very first night here," Joe replies, muffling his words against the spot just a little way below Ben's ear, and slips his other hand down until it covers Ben's privates. He gives them a gentle squeeze, which makes Ben's hips jerk towards his touch.

"I thought at three in the morning the neighbours will all be out of it, huh?" Ben asks with a smile in his voice, and leans his head back so that it could rest against Joe's. Simultaneously, his pelvis thrusts a little further forward, and Joe instinctively tightens his hold on him.

"Have you ever heard that this city never sleeps?" he whispers and this time kisses Ben's shoulder.

"Uh-huh."

"It was coined for a reason," Joe goes on, his hand relocating to Ben's dick to properly encircle it. It fills the palm of his hand pretty nicely. "So I suggest that we get you out of here lest they get shocked by the sight of butt-naked Ben Hardy on my balcony," Joe murmurs, letting his fingers work their magic down there below Ben's waist. "And do something to make the hard parts of Mr Hardy get even harder before he gets a fucking frostbite."

Ben laughs at this, and it sounds remarkably contented.

"I love you, you troll," he chuckles quietly and butts his cigarette in the ashtray.

He places his hand on Joe's behind, effectively pushing him closer, and squeezes it possessively enough to make Joe let out an excited gasp. Then he turns in Joe's arms, wraps his own around Joe's shoulders and beckons him to step back into the room.

"Let's go," he mumbles while not quite kissing him, "and make me scream again so that we could wake up those few neighbours who have the bloody insolence to be asleep at three a.m., how 'bout that?"

This time, it's Joe's turn to snicker. He does step back inside gladly, with Ben in his arms and Ben's arms wrapped around him, and then he stops to close the balcony door and give his lover a proper look. _It should be illegal to be this handsome_ , he thinks. _It should also be illegal to look this deeply in love._

"I don't know how I lived without you," Joe murmurs and shakes his head.

Ben doesn't reply to this but there's no need to because his lips press to Joe's and this speaks better than words. This is what home feels like, at last.

**Author's Note:**

> * 'And I Love You So' by Perry Como


End file.
